Based on Roediger and DiFrancesco (2013). Map what happens between you when things get hard.
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Think of a recent conflict or moment of disconnection. Work through each section for both partners. The clash happens in the middle, where your coping responses meet. Bring this to your next session.
Partner 1: trigger
What happened? What schema or core memory fired?
Partner 2: trigger
What happened? What schema or core memory fired?
Internal voice
What did the inner voice say?
Internal voice
What did the inner voice say?
Feeling just before
What were you feeling right before your child mode activated?
Feeling just before
What were you feeling right before your child mode activated?
Child mode
What did your reactive / protective part of you do or say?
Child mode
What did your reactive / protective part of you do or say?
P1 coping response
clash✕
P2 coping response
Neglected core need
Safety, attachment, or self-assertion?
Wish
What did you wish your partner would do or say?
Neglected core need
Safety, attachment, or self-assertion?
Wish
What did you wish your partner would do or say?
P1 healthy adult response
What could the grounded, caring part of you do or say differently?
P2 healthy adult response
What could the grounded, caring part of you do or say differently?
Result
What happened? What did the clash produce? What do you notice now that you have slowed it down?